We were sitting on the bed listening to Kristofferson in the quietest part of the evening, when the sky was turning from blue to black and candle glow was filling the room. We were sitting on the bed, Emily on my lap with her arm around my shoulder, singing along softly. "Let the devil take tomorrow, Lord tonight I need a friend...." I love to hear her sing.
When the music stopped she leaned her head on my shoulder and whispered, "What's the matter Jim? There's something hurting you, isn't there?" After more than three years, she knows me so well.
"Honey, it's everything and nothing. It's feeling myself slowing down. It's feeling all these pains, and knowing that it only goes downhill from here. It's knowing I can't do the things I used to. It's knowing that I'm a lot closer to the end than the beginning, and half of me is looking forward to that while the other half is thinking about missing the good things I have in this life."
She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a quick hug, kissed my cheek, while giggling the whole time. "Jim, that's just time! It's weighing on you heavily,
'cos you think you've seen too much of it. Time can be sneaky that way, piling on you like a load of bricks, squeezing your heart. It can make you think that here and now is all that matters!" She burst out completely laughing at that idea, and I couldn't help but join her.
She smoothed her skirt over her knees, took my face in her hands and looked deep into my eyes until we were both overtaken by the glorious silliness of the moment. "Do you love me?", she asked. "You know I do!", I answered. "Then don't sweat it, silly! You know we're gonna be together forever, whether it's fifty years from now, or tomorrow morning. I can wait!"
....And now she's sound asleep, I just took her tortoise shell glasses off and put them in the drawer alongside mine. She's so still, so quiet, the way only a ghost can be. And I'm sitting here writing this down, because I want to remember this night, and how kind she was to me. I can't wait for forever.
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