The Night Before Palm Sunday

Cool, damp Saturday night, and the sky outside belongs over the Finger Lakes in a November that's long past. There's a quiet hissing behind Scelsa's voice on the radio, the sound of the signal dancing through the clouds while Vin is playing a goodbye set for his best friend who died last Saturday, while the show was on the air. Emily is sitting on the bed humming along with the music. The look on her face tells me she's hearing something in this obituary that's beyond my ability to sense.

After a while she looks at me and says, "He's a lot happier now." "Who is, Em?" "The man Vin is talking about. He's resting now and there's no more pain from the cancer that killed him. He's seeing all the people he missed for all those years. You should see the smile on his face!" ....The smile on her own face looks like the best Christmas morning I ever had in my life.

Then she looked over at me and her face went transparent, and I could see the bones of her skull underneath. Only her eyes were still there, soft and brown and kind as always. She ran her hand through her hair, and I could see every bone from the cuff of her sweater to her fingertips. I looked down and saw the bones of her knees between the hem of her skirt and the tops of her boots. There were streaks of mold across her clothes, and her hair was dull and dusty.

I shook my head to try to clear my eyes, but the vision didn't change. I could feel a chilly autumn wind blowing around me, and I felt sand beneath my feet. I was looking at a stretch of empty dunes under a cold blue sky, sedge grass and boulders marking a dry river bed, dreaming forlorn dreams of fast moving water. I heard Emily's voice calling my name and I tried to follow it back to my room. I wanted to be as far away from that desert as I could get....

After a long time I finally felt the bed under me again, and Emily was holding her bony hand out to me. "Take my hand, Jim! Please?" It never occurred to me to do anything else. I reached out and, as soon as my fingers touched hers, she became herself again, warm and soft, pale skin and shiny brown hair. We sat for a long time, just looking into each other's eyes....then she threw her arms around my neck and held me so tightly I could hardly breathe. "Jim, I'm so sorry you had to see that! I'm so embarrassed, it happens sometimes if I think too much about death. I feel like such an idiot!" "Em, it's alright. You're still you and I'm still me, and nothing's changed between us."

Very slowly she relaxed and rested her head on my shoulder. "God Jim, I looked in your eyes when that happened and I saw so many things, but you were never afraid of me, were you?" "I love you, Em. Love kicks fear's ass anyday!" She started to laugh, long and hard, til her shoulders were shaking and tears were running down her cheeks. "God,"she giggled, "I was so scared you'd be grossed out!" That got us both hysterical all over again....

Finally we caught our breath, or at least I did, she has no need to, and we lay side by side, holding each other close. "Em," I asked, "that place I went to, that desert with the dry river bed, is that where your body is?" She was quiet so long that I thought she was asleep, but then she whispered, "Yes. And if you love me you won't ask any more questions about it."

And now she's fast asleep, I love the hint of a smile on her face. I only got up long enough to write this down, and now I'm going to join her. Can't wait to feel her so close to me under the comforter.