After The Fireworks

Smoke covered the river til the water disappeared and it was a river of smoke, with grey tides running down to the harbor where all the water was gone and smoky waves rolled in grey silence. Smoke rose around the granite towers of the bridge leaving ghostly splashes on the stones. Up above the sky was rain and steam and startled purple clouds.

And we stood on the narrow path where they met, on wet cobblestones with our hands on the wet iron railing, water falling from above and smoke rising from below. And when we kissed I tasted the water and the smoke and your black lipstick, and the ozone and the gunpowder and the steam from the clouds.

And now you're lying sleeping on my bed, your purple satin dress drying by the air conditioner. You're wearing one of my t shirts, it reaches almost to your knees. Your hair is in a cute simple pony tail and there's the tiniest smile on your lips. I'll wait another while before I have to wake you to put you in a car service and send you home.

I wish you could stay all night.

The Third Night Of Summer

Emily is sitting on my bed eating a chocolate donut, we both ate quite a few of them tonight. The smile on her face is the best description of joy I've ever seen. She looks gorgeous tonight in a yellow crepe sun dress, elegant and languid. But there's a crumb of chocolate on her cheek that makes her look like the little kid raiding the cookie jar, it's so adorable. I know I should tell her it's there, but I think I'll enjoy it few minutes more.

We took a walk on the Promenade earlier tonight. The air was steamy and the heat lightning was flashing over the harbor. We had Casey with us, for some reason he's never afraid of the lightning when he's with the two of us.  I think he understands a lot more than he lets on....

I love watching the lights of the skyline reflected in Emily's dark brown eyes.

We took a walk down under the bridge to see the new artificial waterfall that's been erected there for the summer. It's right under the bridge on the cobblestone walkway that leads to the park, and it's about ten stories high and a hundred feet wide, pumping river water up to the top and dropping it in a cascade under colored flood lights. When Emily saw it she kicked her sandals off, took Casey's leash from my hand and ran with him into the spray blowing back onto the walkway. She danced and twirled and Casey spun around her and leaped on his hind legs like a puppy, the two of them kicking up rainbows in the puddles. After a few minutes her hair was hung with watery diamonds and her cheeks were wet with spray, and Casey was barking for the joy of it, his coat shining with silver drops of water. I took Emily in my arms and kissed her, tasted the spray on her lips and the sweat on her cheeks, while Casey spun around us, tangling his leash around our ankles.

Later we walked back up the hill like two angels from a black and white movie, with Casey as our guide. And now Emily is sitting on my bed while I write this, looking elegant and languid, except for that crumb of chocolate on her cheek. Casey had his dinner and is sleeping the sleep of the well-fed. Maybe I'll tell Em about the crumb, and maybe I won't. She looks so darn cute!

Nerd Girls

There was a nerd girl contestant on Jeopardy tonight, she was adorable. Short straight hair, horn rimmed glasses, looking both shy and brave at the same time. Standard Hollywood beauties don't really do anything for me, but I totally cannot resist a nerd girl.

Partly it's the glasses, I love glasses on a woman. Most of the women I know who wear glasses look far cuter with them than without them. But mostly it's the attitude. It's knowing she isn't the goddess, but being brave enough to be the woman. Nerd girls have heart, and guts and hope, and I'd rather know a girl like that than one with perfect tits any day of the week. Hell, when it comes down to it, nerd girls aren't just my drool objects, they're my heroines.

Emily is a nerd girl. I saw it the day I met her, the tortoise shell glasses, the pony tail, the smile that's scared to death and hopeful all at the same time. Some part of me started to fall for her on the way down the hillside, when I still thought she was just an ordinary girl. Wow, that word so does not apply to her!

 

Blame It On The Moon

The full moon looks so soft tonight, gently blurred by clouds and fog. The street is quiet, the fog muffling the sound of your boot heels as we take Casey for his last walk of the night. Your black dress is shimmering with droplets of fog and dew, and when you're backlit by the street light your hair is shining with a million little prisms of rainy light. I pull you closer to me and kiss you, and I taste the fog on your lips. I love the way you stand on tiptoes and wrap your arms around my neck!

And now I've sent you home in a car service, and it's so quiet in here again. You just left a few minutes ago, and already I miss you.

Romance

Jane and I took a spring night walk through the Village and Soho last night. We'd gone to see Norah Jones' film debut in "My Blueberry Nights." Afterward we were both in that dreamy rain swept world where the fantasies you just saw in the movie are so much more appealing than most of your real life. Jane was chilly so I draped my denim jacket around her shoulders and we walked along Houston Street under an almost full moon.

We laughed when we passed a restaurant called Jane, I told her she apparently has a lot going on in her life: a boyfriend, a lover, a husband to be, a gay best friend who takes her to concerts and even a magazine named after her, and now this restaurant too. She said it's a lot to manage but she's doing her best. Silly moments like this one make me so glad she's my friend.

We were crossing LaGuardia Place when it occurred to me that I'd really like to have a romance in my life. Even though, as Oscar Wilde observed, having a romance always leaves one feeling so utterly unromantic. Guess I just miss all that angst....

Later on, after we'd strolled through Soho and taken a cab home and walked Casey and said goodnight and I'd fed the kids their dinners I realized I was still thinking about this. I also realized I must be out of my mind for wanting such a thing but hey, the heart wants what it wants, right? So I started to think about the possibilities.

Goth girl? No way, she's a friend I love more than I know how to say, but I love her as a friend. And I know she feels the same way about me. (And see, honey, I kept my promise to never use your name in here!) We like each other way too much to ever fall in love.

Same thing goes for Jane and me. She's probably my best friend on the planet, and she means more to me than I could ever express, but as to the thought of anything happening between us? Yuck! I'd rather gouge my eyes out with an ice cream stick!

That leaves Emily....dear Emily. Nobody has ever gotten me the way you do, Em. Nobody has ever loved me the way you do. Hell, I'd marry you tomorrow if it weren't for the whole dead thing! Truth is, we've talked about it, but apparently the rules are clear, we both have to be on the same side of the veil. Well, at least that gives me something to look forward to....

Walking In The Rain

Last night Emily and I took a walk in the rain. She was wearing one of those ridiculous yellow slickers that school children used to wear, and yellow pull-on boots. On her it looked totally adorable. She had the hood pulled up over her head, but when she smiled up at me I could see the raindrops sparkling on her tortoise shell glasses. The slicker made a crinkling sound when she slipped her arm through mine.

We were giving Casey his evening walk, and I let her hold the leash. Casey likes her a lot. I think he knows that when she walks him he's number one and I'm a distant second. I'm totally fine with that. I don't often say it, but Casey's happiness matters to me more than most people would ever imagine.

When we got home I took her slicker and hung it in the shower to drip dry alongside my rain jacket and set about getting dinner for Casey and Bobthecat. Emily was wearing a brown cotton sweater and corduroy skirt. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her boots off, showing matching knee socks. She looked like every adorable nerd girl in every teen movie ever made.

She pulled herself up on the bed and sat cross legged on the pillow with her back on the wall, and sighed with contentment. Bobthecat, having finished his dinner, hopped up on the bed and curled up in her lap, purring as only Bob can do. She smoothed her skirt over her thighs and looked up at me with a laugh welling up inside her. "Wow Jim, your kids really like me!"she giggled. "Does this mean we're getting serious?"

Do you really need to ask, Em?

You Know What Your Name Is

I've never written your name in here, either your real name or the one you use in the world. Too bad, because I love your name. I love saying it aloud, I love the sound of it. I love that saying it makes me see your face, even when you're not here, and it reminds me how much I love this silly, wonderful party we have, where we're the guests of honor.

I think you were a coyote in a previous life. The Native Americans all said that Coyote was a holy trickster, who knew how to laugh at everything, but who never forgot that everything is sacred. And you're the holy chameleon who taught me how to laugh again, a skill I'd badly neglected.

And so I'll keep your name a secret, the way you asked me to. But whenever we're together, please don't be afraid to use my name. I love how it sounds on your lips, wether you're laughing, or sighing, or panting, or only murmuring it in your sleep while I hold you so close. It never sounded so good, or made me feel so whole, as it does when you say it.