The Last Night Of January

Watching in the warm glow of the salt lamp while Emily sleeps. She's curled up on her side on the bed, hands clasped on her breast like she's saying a prayer, and the softest ghost of a smile is playing on her lips. A minute ago I reached over and took her glasses off her, put them in the desk drawer for safekeeping. She looks so much younger without them. She's wearing one of my t shirts for a night gown, her skirt and sweater are folded over the back of a chair. She's very particular about keeping her clothes neat.

It's one of those nights when you're glad to be inside. Out there it's so cold and dark and brittle, the stars seem almost too close in the clear air. When we came in from walking Casey earlier she unzipped my jacket and hugged me tight, "God Jim, I'm so frickin' cold! Wrap me up in your coat!" I closed it around her and kissed the top of her head and we both laughed at how good it felt to stand there like that, no space and no time between us.

Her lips are moving in her sleep, some dreamy mantra that I'll never hear whispering through her head. When Bobthecat was alive he used to curl up against her stomach at times like this and purr his little head off; I wonder if he's doing that now, beyond my ability to see him. I hope he is.

Winter Night Prayer

Want to walk in the ocean with you again, like we used to do. Back when it was always Saturday and it was always July, and your skin glowed sandy gold in the morning light.

And your eyes were the color of tomorrow, and I could taste the salt water on your lips when we kissed. And you were feeling shy because you'd never worn a two piece before, and I loved walking with my arm around your naked waist.

Want to walk in the ocean with you again, like we used to do. Swimming out past the breakers to where the shore was just a warm dry sliver, and your hair drifted like the ghost of seaweed over your shoulders. Holding hands floating, letting the waves rock us almost to sleep. And we were feeling happy, knowing the bottom was so far beneath us that the sun never reached it.

Want to walk in the ocean with you again, like we used to do. Walking back to the beach kicking up sand and spray in the red evening light. Wrapping my shirt around your wet shoulders, watching you step into your cutoffs. Walking the cool sand with our arms around each other, and we couldn't stop laughing. And we never wasted our time remembering, because it was all still in front of us.